my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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