Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
