that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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