Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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