Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
