fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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