Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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