been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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