i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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