im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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