I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
