i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
