You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
