I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
