I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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