ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
