I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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