p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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