Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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