He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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