and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
