Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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