Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
