I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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