Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
