FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
