i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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