Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
