He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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