You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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