UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
