How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
