He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
