Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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