hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize