just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
