I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
