Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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