shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
