I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
