I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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