i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
