she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
