I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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