i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
