so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
