I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
jump out the window naked night went bad
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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