I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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