I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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