She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
