I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
