You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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