Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
