Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
