I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bring me that man meat
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
