Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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