No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
