it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
