So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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