so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
