I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
