Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
