My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
