Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
