Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
