I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
