Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
